Her heart was fragile; it was breaking.
For her it was like watching glass shatter onto the ground, reflecting nothing but black.
For others, she was luminous; bright.
It was clear that the world did not know her, and she did not know herself.
It was her false persona blurring theirs and her own eyes.
No ones fault, but hers.
She so meticulously tried to resemble innocence and confidence, but she was far from that.
Her white garment was stained with sins; her mind flooded with uncertainty and insecurity.
There was a girl whose name meant “good victory”, but she constantly felt defeated.
Did she do this to herself?
Yes.
Did she know why?
No.
In this life she walked alone, confusing friends and family.
She was hopeful, but full of despair.
She was peaceful, but was filled with rage.
There was a girl whose ancestors fought for a statute as a symbol that they overcame.
Instead of standing proud and bold, she consumed herself with the question, “who am I ?”.
Others gave her pity.
To her fellow members she was considered too white to be black.
Her temper that erupted from within would proceed next declaring, “I am BLACK”.
It was not their fault for their judgment, but hers alone.
She chose to be disconnected with her African bloodline at a young age, despite it running deep within her parents.
She chose to ignore their culture, language, music and food.
The ‘others’, now no longer pitied her.
There was a girl whose voice was deep, soothing, but very distinct.
She was frightened to speak in a crowd, for her music teachers ten year-old words, trapped her vocal cords.
“You sound like a man” is what he said.
“You are a man” is what she heard.
There was a girl who to others, her parents and herself she pretended to be Christ-like, but any slight bit of tremble and temptation faltered her false image.
She prayed, and asked God to grant her desire to be strong and rooted in her faith, but the guilt of her immorality was making a path for her to walk away.
She wanted the pleasures of this world, and wanted to be pleasured by him.
She was always conflicted, but men told her, “You only live once”.
But knew from Sunday school, “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?“.
There was a girl who knew the tongue had the power of life and death, but she ate the fruit of darkness more often than the fruit of light.
Her mind was constantly overthinking, initiating conflict within.
She blamed those around her, for her own demise.
She knew she was supposed to love her enemies, but her vocabulary consisted of the word “despise”.
Her egotistical tendencies, were so prone that she knowingly and unknowingly let go years of friendship.
She did not want to admit her regret, so she convinced herself that her friends were no longer beneficial.
The truth is…
There is a broken and fragile girl who has inflicted pain on others, for she fears that pain would be inflicted on her, because all she knows is hate, anger and resentment.
The truth is…
There is a broken and fragile girl whose heart wants to unravel her regrets, mistakes and pain to you.
So she did.
Her name is Eunice,
and that girl has always been me.
Picture Link:
“Melanin Melanin Artworks Pinterest Black Girls Draw And – Drawings Art Gallery.” Drawings Art Gallery – Drawing for Landscape, Nature, and Sketch, www.drawingninja.com/img/2889075/melanin-melanin-artworks-pinterest-black-girls-draw-and-life-is-as-beautiful-as-this-damsel-make-sure-you-have-a-good-smile-before-sleeping-tonight.html.
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Dear Eunice,
I love this! Lyrical can be hard to pull off, but this is wonderful! It conveys examples through metaphor so well, and leaves the reader with a true impression of you.
The use of white and pure imagery incorporated into the piece is striking, and helps bring about that lost self you discuss. The parallel structure you use in your sentence starters is so clever, the use of female pronouns giving a distinctly feminine voice to this piece. The question and answer segment closer to the top is brilliant, as if you are interrogating yourself. Much like the whole piece, you are searching for identity. The final lines serve as the answer for the whole piece, it is so well formatted.
Improvements are minor, and subjective. My only major recommendation would be to pick a distinct pattern to your sentence starters and stick with it. For example, every paragraph goes, she, her, she, her, she. However, the more random arrangement can be a choice as well.
I am so glad I get to know your writing this semester! You have so many brilliant insights that I haven’t gotten to hear yet!
Sincerely,
Claire
Thank you so much Claire!
To be quite honest, I didn’t even know it sounded like that. But haha, maybe my style is that. Yes, thank you for noticing the use of white.
I was trying to make a pattern, but I did not know how to work it in my piece so I just gave up, but yeah I do agree a pattern would have worked very well.
Thank you very much once again
Eunice ✞
Dear Eunice,
I’ll start off with saying this was a really well written piece, it showed a lot of insight towards who you are as a person and the whole contrast between dark and light was beautiful to witness, there was a lot of things here that you did very well. I especially liked the distinct quality of the poetry and everything that happened in it, there was so much there, so much that’s happened to you.
If I had to critique anything I would say the tone of this is very dark, pointing out flaws as a contrast to the light and how people view you which shows a lot about a person, but also maybe highlight some of the things you love best about yourself, your a brilliant person, I think there would be a lot to tell. These improvements though are just my opinion really so you don’t actually have to change anything about this piece.
This is a very amazing piece though and I look forward to seeing more eventually.
Sincerely,
Iqra
Thank you Iqra!
Yes, indeed I do tend to write very dark, but it is very unintentional. I guess my outlook of who I am needs a bit of improvement, so in that case I will try to write some positive pieces. Thank you for your feedback.
Eunice ✞
Dear Eunice,
I just want to thank you for being able to be so vulnerable. It can be hard to open up to people sometimes and I just want to thank you for not talking about surface level things. Eunice your voice in this peace is one of a story teller. For me you remind me of the main character from the Book of Negros. she has such a strong voice and presences even though she’s not present with you. In the same way I didn’t feel like I was reading your piece I felt like you were with me and telling me about yourself. I really enjoyed the way you alluded to all the things you experienced. That makes me want to talk to you more and find out the little details.
For things to improve I agree with Iqra. I would love to see you show more of your self loving side more. Overall I really love this piece. I hope we talk more and get closer as friends .
Lots of Love,
Oba
Thank you Oba 🙂
I have never read the Book of Negroes and I think I intrigued to read it. And yeah, the lens I see through has always been something dark and broken that its hard to see the positive sides, but yes I will start doing that.
Eunice ✞
Dear Eunice,
I was blown away after reading this! It was written really well and I loved the use of allusions to tell your story. It was a great way to write your About Me. As others have said, it can be really hard to open up and be vulnerable with others, especially since you don’t know who is going to be reading this. It takes a lot of courage to open up and I applaud you for that. Also, I think that writing this in the third person does wonders for what you’re trying to convey to the reader.
I think one of the few things you can improve upon is probably keeping your sentence structure a bit more consistent.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your About Me and getting to know you better. Thank you for sharing!
Sincerely,
Swapanthi
Thank you so much Swapanthi, I am glad you liked it! Thank you for your feedback and I will work on my sentence structure.
Eunice ✞