Hello!
Before you continue reading, a lot of the quotes in this months inspirations are from Samantha King, “Born to Love, Cursed to Feel” poetry book. These poems are a few that really spoke to me within.
Retrospect
“I blamed you so long for who I became
It was much easier than facing that I allowed myself to become that”
~ Samantha King, Born to Love, Cursed to Feel
Other Women
“It’s 3 a.m.
My phone’s going off
He’s on his way
I should be sleeping
rather than waiting anxiously for him
It can’t be helped though
He’s my addiction
and when he’s gone too long I’m in withdrawal
A self-inflicted agony
I let him in
He never stays long
regardless of how much I plead with him to
He already has a home where he belongs
I was just a refuge for what he wouldn’t share with her
This week she and I finally met
She caught me staring in his direction
I was in shock
The knowledge of her was always in my possession
but since I had never seen her
I acted as if she was nonexistent, somewhat irrelevant to my life
To cover up for the intrusion my eyes made
he introduced me as an old friend
I went a long with the story he fabricated out of thin air
She believed him
My eyes scanned her curvy frame
They stopped at her protruding stomach
She noticed then gushed that she was 5 months
‘It’s a boy’
No wonder she was glowing
She was truly beautiful
I felt the bile rise in the back of my throat
She insisted that she get my information
so when the baby shower was held I could come
If she only knew that my info had been across his lips
and held within his hands
After we departed he texted
‘That was a close one, good job though, babe. See you later on’
I cried the tears that because of her ignorance she would never shed
To go on like this
would truly be the cause of my demise
At midnight he texted me
At 1 a.m. he called
At 2 a.m.he wrote again
At 3 a.m. I turned off my phone”
~ Samantha King, Born to Love, Cursed to Feel
Vow of Silence
“I spoke out of fear and you ignored me
I spoke out of pain and you didn’t listen
I spoke out of love and you walked away
So now I speak of nothing”
~ Samantha King, Born to Love, Cursed to Feel
Good-bye
“I thought I would be devastated without you
I was waiting for everything to rip apart
The sky didn’t come crashing down
Air still flows through my lungs
Blood surges through my veins
I thought I would lie down and surrender
I didn’t give my heart enough credit
I sit here waiting for it
The realization that you are part of my Life no more
I’ve wrapped my mind around the notion
It’s possible I already cried enough
Perhaps the year and a half spent trying to make a sense of all of this
has finally drained me
Maybe, just maybe, I always knew I deserved better, but was too
afraid to accept it
I feel as if I should mourn us
Except I sit here relieved
I gave you my all
and took the loss that even that wasn’t enough
Maybe, just maybe, you were never meant to be mine no matter
how hard I loved you
You broke me in ways that I’ve never experienced before and if I’m
wise enough
will not allow myself to endure again
I no longer think of you as often or long for you at night
There are moments where you are missed
that I cast into the light of your negligence
and allow it to burn away and die
I hungered for Love, your Love and starved
No worries, I carry no hate in my heart for you
I want no parts of you to linger long here
You weren’t ready for the Love I could give
Now I have a different plan in mind”
~ Samantha King, Born to Love, Cursed to Feel
Confession
“I hate you wouldn’t quite do it
I forgive you isn’t quite my speed
I regret meeting you would be a lie
The best thing for me
was removing you from my life
That, I am sure of”
~ Samantha King, Born to Love, Cursed to Feel
This is a logo owned by Southend Interactive, Microsoft Game Studios for Ilomilo.
This is a song called “ilomilo” and it was written Billie Eilish. As of right now, she has been the the only artist (besides Khalid) that I’ve been listening to on repeat. To me, I feel like I can relate to her because she is my age, her style of music is really my taste and she has a mysterious aroma to her art. However, I was very confused about this song and its meaning so I decided to search. According to Billie her inspiration for this song is based on a game she used to play.
Billie said, “I used to play ilomilo a lot. I loved ilomilo, that was like my favourite game in the world. It’s this game where it’s these two little creatures – one is named ilo and the other’s named milo. It’s this sort of anti-gravity world where there’s all these little blocks and they start apart from each other. The idea is you just get to each other and when they get to each other they just hug, there’s no prize. So the whole idea of the game is just losing the person you love and then finding them again.”
My favorite line in this song is
“So, where did you go?
I should know, but it’s cold
And I don’t wanna be lonely
So tell me you’ll come home
Even if it’s just a lie
I tried not to upset you
Let you rescue me the day I met you
I just wanted to protect you
But now I’ll never get to”
