She watched him repeatedly bind her friend’s heart
and waited impatiently for her turn.
She watched as that heart lost its beat to life.
Were her eyes blind to the spell that he released?
No.
Definitely no.
She gravely wanted that turn.
A turn that would come unnaturally and become a home to impurity.
Through her lustful eyes, she led herself to the umbrella of shame.
Through her foolishness, she convinced herself they were forever.
To him, it meant till you no longer served a purpose in his life.
And it was true.
A month later he finished binding her willingly heart
and disposed her to the judgmental world.
She thought time would heal her.
It did not.
She did not heal.
Through her loneliness, her shame emerged.
She did not want that.
So she gravitated to the idea of freedom from condemnation.
It was too late.
Far too late.
She was far too for her to escape.
This was the second time she got her heart broken.
“Was it this bad?” – “the last time”
No.
It is not.
These are the questions she asked herself.
Questions we ask ourselves.
To me, the answer is no.
This breakup – this tragedy is not worse than the ones before.
Pain is pain.
There is no lesser or greater pain.
It snatches the innocent and the guilty.
Let me tell you why she felt like she was hurting more.
It is because the pieces of her broken heart were not picked up to its entirety
before it was shattered into endless parts again.
She missed a broken person.
How could a broken person keep her going in the future?
They will hold her back and cut her on the way until she herself was broken.
I know she thought that the love that they shared could change him into a better person.
The reality here is that he won’t change till he wants to.
Yes, she had sympathy for him,
but I do not understand why she needed to allow herself to suffer
and hold on to the pain of his own doing.
Dear Eunice,
First off your blog aesthetics are great and have this tender yet dark quality to it. I love the idea of ‘fragility’ as I believe that everyone holds this gentle side to them, but some choose to bury it deeper from the surface than others. And secondly, it’s been great having you in the same class for the first time this year, and I hope that university is even better for you.
To get to your post, I think you captured the feeling people get when they desire something that is toxic to them. Something that they want more than anything else, but all it does is burn them when they get too close. This post feels like you’re really just speaking from your heart and not pretending to hide behind something to express how you truly feel. This authenticity is what defines someone as a great writer.
A recommendation I have is that you could add some structure to this piece, like having a certain number of stanzas or something like that, to perhaps make it even better, but if this format was your intention, then that’s fine as well.
All in all, I might not see you again, but I would just say enjoy every moment you have in university and be yourself.
Sincerely,
Abhay
Ah, I am replying very late. Thank you so much! University is going well for me and yes I am being myself. The university life is in your future in less than a year! All the best Abhay 🙂